Thursday, June 7, 2007

Dwelling in the past

Do you spend a lot of time mentally going back in time and imagining how things would have been different if you had done or said something differently?

There are a LOT of things in my past that I regret. A lot of bad memories, a lot of bad decisions. Some of them I knew were bad at the time, but I made them anyway. Some of them there was no way I could know.

If you could go back in time, in your own life, to some point in your past, armed with your memories and experiances but nothing more otherwise than what you had then, would you? And when would you go back to?

Would you go back even if you couldn't bring your memories with you, and trust to luck? Rely on Chaos Theory to make things turn out differently anyway?

I know I'd go back if I could bring my memories. I have debts to pay, and that would let me try to pay them. I might fail anyway, of course, but I'd never be able to live with myself if I didn't try.

2 comments:

Raising Them Jewish said...

Wow- that's a little heavy. I can't say that I would go back. I can say that there are moments that I can recall where a decision I made had a great effect on everything...but I don't have the option to go back, so I don't think about it.

I worry about your last line: that if you didn't try to fix it you couldn't live with yourself...

Gridley said...

What I meant was that if I had the opportunity to fix it, or try to fix it, and didn't try, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Since I don't have the opportunity, it isn't an issue at present.

On a slightly related note, I've started noticing when I sigh. I do, as you pointed out, do it quite often.