What do you want?

I know what I want.

What do I want that I have a chance of getting? Ah, now that's a much harder question.

When people ask you 'what do you want?' what do you say? "Yeah, sure, I'd like super powers. I'd like to be a billionaire/an astronaut/a rockstar/..."

Or do you say "I don't know"? Because you know what you want, but you can't have it, and even admitting what you really want to someone else can be terrifying?

And then there's the things we want that we can have, but we wish we couldn't.

Poor, poor Lexy. And, of course, coming full circle on George and a-girl-named-Grey.

Yeah, I'm talking about Grey's Anatomy. What did you think I was talking about?

OK, fine, I was talking about both Grey's and me. Quite often they're the same. You think I watch the show for the blood? I've seen blood. I've done procedures in an OR. I've watched skin grafts. I'd rather I hadn't watched skin grafts, but I still have the bragging rights.

No, I watch the show because its about me.

Yes, it isn't about me. Shonda and the other writers don't know I exist, and aside from being glad I'm a viewer wouldn't care if they did know. Ditto the actors, the entire production staff, and the ABC network.

But it is, still, about me. Some of the people on that show are almost as real to me as Denny is to Izzy. Reality is about your perceptions. Love cannot be proven, but I believe it exists, and so for me it does.

I'm an engineer. I don't take things on faith. I want equations, and tests, and physical proof with multiple independent sources.

But some things you have to take on faith, because if you don't you can't even believe in yourself.

And sometimes you have to drink a third of a bottle of cheap wine and watch a TV show, and periodically ask yourself "why did that commercial use a four-engine turboprop airplane?"

And sometimes you have to start your own appendectomy.

That's just the way life is.